Me Myself & I

I had a bit of an epiphany while in the shower this morning: being single fucking sucks. Not only because of the garauntee that there’d be no set of rough hands waiting to admire my silky smooth stems after I jumped out, but also because there are no nuzzles to share, no agonizingly cute inside jokes to whisper about, no hand holding, no pillow talk free of societal stigma, no cute texts, nothing. Basically without a significant other there seems absolutely no point nor purpose in me continuing to live this lonesome life.

HAHA, SIKE!
But really, why you playas gotta be holdin’ out on me? Okay I know I know, I can be a touch emotional and supremely stubborn at times; I might enjoy having the underside of my buttcheeks tickled and have an inclination toward bringing cheesecake and other food items into the bedroom, but otherwise I think I’m a pretty safe catch! I don’t at all mind cooking or cleaning, I’m a good listener and even better conversationalist (modest too, obv), I’m as much a cling-on as Britney Spears is sane (Aka, not. Perfect for LD relationships, right?), openminded *wink*, I can and will fight with you when it counts (and forgive you as often, too), I’m painfully honest, non-judgemental, I rarely get jealous and aside from this one time where I got shut down for sex while dressed like a replica of this hussy right here:

I come baggage free! I don’t care what Beyonce says…as a single layday, I will not put my hands up. I give singledom two giant thumbs down. That being said, if you’re:

a) funny
b) spontaneous
c) handsome
d) thoughtful
e passionate about something
f) self-sufficient &
g) keen on learning how to make a girl feel good….